Church is suppose to be family

Love one another with brotherly affection ... ESV

In love of the brethern be tenderly affectioned one to another ... ASV

Love each other as brothers and sisters ... CEV

Loving one another with the charity of brotherhood ... DRB

Be warmly affectionate to one another with brotherly love ... EMTV

Love one another warmly as Christians .... GNB

Be devoted to each other with mutual affection ... ISV

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In English we might not see much difference between 12:9 where we are told to love without hypocrisy and 12:10 where we are told to love one another. But in the Greek you have two different words used. Romans 12:9 is talking about our "agape" which is an affection not based on performance and which indicates a calculated love based on making something the highest priority of our lives. It can be and most of the time is highly emotional, but it is emotion based on personal commitment. Agape love is not superior to other type of loves. It simply is a different type of love.

In this light one could understand Romans 12:9 as "Don't pretend to have the love God and others as your highest priority when it really isn't."

Now in Romans 12:10 we have two other Greek work used for love. One is philostorgos which is which is an old compound word used only here in the New Testament and philidelphia. Paul is now focusing on the idea that we are to not only agape God and others but now to give to Christians both philos and storgos type of love.

What is storgos? It is a love and loyalty based on a relationship outside of our control. It is the unconditional and long lasting love of family members for one another regardless of personality differences or performance. It is an affection that is given because of a unity we have with people that was simply destined to be by the providence of God alone. In this context Paul is saying we should feel affection for other Christians because God has chosen them to be our spiritual family. We are to give them loyalty, care, and warmth as we would family members.

Philadelphia is a word that strengthens this. It is when we actively pursue having deep and intimate family relationships. Storgos is the foundation for such a pursuit. But philos is opening our hearts to feel love towards our family members and seeking intimate friendship with them. Here is a commitment to emotional intimacy.

Now context always rules the varies shades of meaning these words may have. Here we have a call by Paul for Christians to recognize that the gospel of grace has made us a spiritual family and to love without hypocrisy we must open ourselves up to this new set of relationships found in the church and embrace other believers as relatives. This spiritual family is to have as much loyalty given to it as we would give to our physical families.

It also means that we must be seeking to make those in our local church those with whom we would have emotionally intimate friendships. Ultimately, these verses can only be experienced in the local church. We are to be ready to embrace any Christian at any time as a family member "storgos" and have a general "philos" attitude towards them, but it is in the company of believers we worship with that these words will take on concrete and real meaning.

The gospel calls us to make our local church the center of our social life. We are to be a company of friends who have faith in Messiah Jesus in common. Our love for HIM is to create love for one another.

At the present moment 39% of Americans attend church once a week. It would seem that weekly attendence at church would be the minimum effort people would have to make the local church the center of their social lives. We know that many who attend weekly have not done that. If we use the normal 80/20 rule we could speculate that in reality only about 8% of Christians in America have most likely made the relationships at church the central and most important relationships in their lives. Only 8% are experiencing to some degree the reality of what the Apostle Paul wants us to experience in our local church.

How can we open ourselves up to such intimate spiritual friendships? Many times we have been hurt in church and been disappointed by "hypocritical love" (see vs 9). It is God's will we give ourselves to this spiritual family and yet it is hard to do and hard to experience. May God grant each of us the grace to seek to deepen our love for one another.

Love one another

Jesus the Messiah wants us to love one another. He wants us to show respect to each other. He wants us to treat other Christians well and really even love our enemy. His desire is for a healthy and whole human community in which people can dwell without fear of being abused. Sound simple, but it is not simple.

Human community is complex. We have different personalities, needs, back grounds, doctrines, experiences, fears, emotional wounds, prejudices, passions, gifts, abilities, skills, agendas, definitions, and desires. We share faith in Christ but really if we analyzed what we meant by that what that really means to any two of us is radically different in many ways and only similar in a few ways. Most of the time "birds of a feather flock together" but in the church we may be called to be part of a flock that has many different species of "Christians" in it. To love and respect people who are like me and who agree with me is one thing but to love and respect people who are different than me and do not agree with me is a whole different story.

The local church is suppose to be an example of a healthy human community under the leadership of Messiah Jesus in the real and sinful broken world. We are to be an emotionally healthy church filled with people who know how to live emotionally healthy spirituality. To the degree we are emotionally healthy we fulfill the will of Christ for the church and to the degree we are not emotionally healthy we do not fulfill the will of Christ for the church. The church is suppose to be one of the main apologetics for the faith. The beauty of our love for each other and for humanity as a whole is to be what draws people to the truth of the gospel. If the gospel can produce a community of love then it is valuable to the human race.

On Sunday I talked to a man from India who was a Christian. He had become a Christian because his grandfather had become a Christian. His grandfather had become a deep and devoted follower of Messiah Jesus who had been born into a Hindu family. When I asked him how his grand father had become a Christian he told me a story of persecuted Christians who had shown his grandfather kindness and love consistently over many years. They had provided his grandfather with financial support, a place to live, and food to eat during hard times. They had helped him to get an education. Their actions seems so different than what his grandfather was use to that when given a bible he read it and eventually became a Christian. What really won his grandfather to the faith was the love of Christians for their enemies. This man was part of the fruit of that love. For this man had believed and was not a Hindu because his grandfather had become radically converted.

I am humbled by all of this. I fail to love as I should love so often. I fail to be as emotionally healthy as I should be so often. As a pastor I fail to really provide the healthy leadership I should so often. I need to become more an example of emotionally healthy spirituality so that we can better become an emotionally healthy community of faith. Ultimately, only then will we be able to be a clear witness of love and grace into a broken world.